Anger Management
Introduction
Anger is a normal and healthy emotion that needs to be dealt with in a positive way, ie managed.
Remember: uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on your health and your relationships.
In the heat of the moment, when angry, it is easy to say something that you will later regret.
Tips to Handle Your Temper
1. Pause Before Reacting, ie think before you speak; once you are calm, express your anger.
“… As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
Take a few moments to select your thoughts before speaking, eg count to 10 slowly before responding and/or take a few deep breaths to help calm your nervous system as this gives your rational brain time to engage.
2. Identify Triggers
Recognise what sets you off such as traffic, certain people, being interrupted, etc.
Awareness of triggers helps you plan how to stay calm when they arise.
3. Use “I” Statements, ie stick with ‘I’ statements
“…avoid criticising and placing blame…..use ‘I’ statements to describe the problem……be respectable and specific…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
eg, say: “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard” and avoid “You never listen!”
4. Step Away if Needed
Give yourself permission to walk away from a heated situation before reacting.
A short break can prevent long-term damage to relationships.
“…A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
5. Exercise Regularly
Physical activity reduces stress and anger:
“…If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
Even a quick walk or 10 minutes of stretching can reset your mood.
6. Practice Relaxation Techniques
When tempers flare, put relaxation skills to work, eg do whatever it takes to encourage relaxation such as deep breathing, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga, listening to music, reading, etc.
Apps like Headspace, etc can guide you through calming exercises.
7. Use Humour to Diffuse
‘Lightening up’ can help you take things less personally; don’t use sarcasm, as it can escalate tension and hurt feelings.
8. Seek Solutions, Not Blame
Focus on what you can do to fix the problem rather than staying stuck on who’s at fault.
“…Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand……remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
9. Talk to Someone
Share your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, etc.
Sometimes just being heard helps you calm down and reflect.
10. Don't Hold a Grudge
“… Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own anger or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship…”
Mayo Clinic, 2021
11. Know When to Get Help
If anger seems to be out of control, ie hurting your relationships, work, health, etc, seek professional counselling or anger management programs which can be transformative.
Some Extra Tips for Ongoing Self-Control
Get enough sleep — fatigue increases irritability.
Avoid alcohol or stimulants if they intensify your anger.
Keep a journal to track patterns in your anger.